Wildfire
I’ve been trying to figure out how to structure my next project and I’ve come to this conclusion: I have no fucking idea, but if you want to come along for the ride, I'd love for you to join me!
Hello Brave Reader,
Welcome to the Void. Welcome to the Unknown. Welcome to my World.
For the last few years I’ve been trying to figure out how to structure my next writing project and I’ve come to this conclusion: I have no fucking idea.
I do know that I have been stuck in a massive relapse of perfectionism, self-doubt, and indecision, a purgatory where constipated writers go to die.
I do know that every 12-step program I’m in says “figure it out” is not one of the slogans and that if I do in fact sit here trying to figure it out any longer my insides will rot and my face will fall off.
I do know there’s a backlog of material and stories rising up like a tidal flood inside of me and that if I don’t open my throat I will choke, if I don’t open my mouth I will drown in the Ocean of the Unsaid.
I do know I need to write through my avalanche of a year and my divorce and my addictions and my moves and my mental health and my revelations and my dark goddess activations and my relationship with the dragons in a way that isn’t like trying to flat-iron Medusa’s wild curly snakes of hair.
I do know that I don’t need an agent or an editor or a book deal or even a book to write and share the work that’s burning a wildfire in my heart.
I do know that as an “expert” in helping other people write their stories, I had damn well better write my own. Doctor, heal thyself!!
I do know, as I always have, that if we are paying attention, truth is stranger than fiction.
I do know that I have a kaleidoscope of ideas careening around in my neurodivergent, “markedly atypical”ADHD manifesting generator brain and that trying to plan what I’m doing or how I’m going to do it is careening blindfolded through a labyrinth wrapped in an enigma buried in Russian nesting dolls of Infinite Mystery.
I do know that if I get out of the way, the way will tell me. I do know that if I let the raw ingredients tumble out on the page, they will form some kind of recipe.
I do know that I have given away or sold most of my belongings, that I no longer have a permanent address, that I don’t know where I’ll be living in the next few months, and that I had better make my writing world beautiful and abundant.
I do know with every proton, electron, nucleus and cell in my body that telling and sharing our stories saves and changes our lives because all of the stories I’ve heard have saved and changed mine.
I do know that today my friend Sarah said in the startup world sometimes you have to build the plane you’re already flying.
I do know that last week my girlfriend Shey said that the river knows where it’s going and though I am not the river, I am in the river and no table of contents or pre-laid plans are going to help me navigate the rocks or log jams or white water rapids–I just have to trust that I know how to float, and I know how to swim.
I do know that even though I might feel 15, I am biologically 50, and that, as all the wise sages in the world say, there is no time like the present to get in the saddle and ride, motherfuckers.
And so I present the new paid version of my substack, Wildfire. I don’t know how to tell you what you’re signing up for, the format or the timing, the frequency of the posts or the form they will take.
I do know Wildfire posts will be vulnerable in a way I want readers to opt into, rather than stumble upon.
I do know that if you’re on the verge of, or in the messy middle of change, transition, and evolution, if you also have no idea where the hell you’re going or what’s going on, if you’re also stepping into the void or the unknown, we are fellow travelers on this journey and there might be something of my story you can relate to, and in that way we will both feel less alone.
If you do choose to opt in, from the bottom of my endlessly grateful heart, thank you so much for coming with me.
COME AS YOU ARE
Please be my guest for a free/donation based 90-minute generative Come As You Are Writing Fire workshop on Saturday, March 14 from 12 noon - 1:30 pm EST on Zoom. I’d love to write with you!