Footloose
You look like a nice lady, he said. Would you be willing to let me photograph your feet?
Just a few hours after my colonoscopy last week, I forgot I’d agreed not to drive and took a trip to Michael’s Craft Store for some embroidery thread. I’ve never embroidered before, but on the verge of the apocalypse seemed as good as time as any. There weren’t any embroidery kits for dummies so I asked another shopper emanating a glow of competence and she gave me a few handy tips like the importance of separating the strands and how to navigate the hellscape of threading the needle.
I only craft in the winter she told me. I get it, I said it’s kind of a mandatory requirement of hibernation. I’m sure the bears have a whole side cave of knitting needles and scrapbooking corner rounders.
On the way through the beading aisle to the cash register a handsome young man in a crisp black tracksuit approached me and I had that glimmer of uh-oh women get when approached by unfamiliar men, but my lifelong training hijacked my brain and I smiled politely instead.
You look like a nice lady, he said. Would you be willing to let me photograph your feet? Did he add that it was a hobby or a paid position? No, but thank you very much anyway,I said and turned on my heel to walk away. My God I wished I’d stop to ask some questions instead.
Is this a paid position? Socks or no socks? What if I have bunions or corns or plantar fasciitis? Sneakers, heels, or slippers? Rubber snow boots caked with mud? Is it unpedicured toes attached to the white pasty feet of winter you’re looking for? Any extra credit for hairy legs?
Excuse me, sir, I heard a manager say. You can’t just go up to women asking to photograph their feet. It makes them feel awkward.
The young man made an opposing argument that couldn’t make out. Maybe he had statistics or lived experience that proved he was providing a path to glory, the answer to a calling. A life raft for women who needed a little extra cash? God only knows what amateur foot models are making these days.
My instinct was to vanish, but I wish my curiosity had kicked in faster. Why aren’t you at a shoe store, kind sir? Or one of the more hip alternative art supply stores downtown? I get it that Michael’s has a predominantly female population, but do you find the demographic in the suburbs more likely to have a secret itch that needs to be scratched? Probably! I know it made my day. I was, in fact, honored that a well dressed young man thought so highly of me, a 50-year-old white woman on a quest to cross stitch. That he thought I might be ready to kick off my socks, my shoes, any clinging remnants of puritanical conditioning and live on the wild side, footloose, and fancy free.
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Ha ha ha! Good essay!