Anxious and Avoidant: a Love Story
When I’m not at my most spiritually fit, I cling and pester in a bid to win, beg, or borrow enough attention to form a weighted blanket over my dread.
We'd been married about a month when my new husband and I went to LaDiff—a fancy upscale furniture store downtown. We’d received a gift certificate for $60 which was hilarious because every couch cushion cost at least 3K. But it was fun to look!
LaDiff was a gargantuan warehouse many levels high and it wasn’t long before Stan and I lost each other. My nonchalant perusal of a few floors quickly became an interior panic room. Eventually, I took the elevator all the way down to the parking deck to see if he'd left me—both at the store and in general. Cue the next 23 years.
Since then I have done A LOT of work on my abandonment issues. And yet they continue to appear in ever more ingenious disguises. I no longer think Stan will leave me at a furniture store — or anywhere at all physically —but there's a constant low-level thrum of fear that he will leave me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and I will be left trying to suck validation out of a living corpse.
When I’m not at my most spiritually fit, I cling and pester in a bid to win, beg, or borrow enough attention to form a weighted blanket over my dread. Stan is patient and has a sense of humor but also a tendency to need nobody, want nothing and withdraw into the dark cave of his rugged independence. It's a match made in heaven!
You never pay attention to me! I yelled when I got home on Sunday from a beautiful and intense 4-day retreat.
I asked how you are! he said. Do you want me to do nothing but kiss your feet and stare at you all day?
Yes, I said. That would be great.
Good friends have been telling me about their therapeutic parts work and even though I know next to nothing about it, I have an idea who some of my parts might be. And that those parts need to get some good TLC from some of the other parts who’ve had enough downtime, self-care, and sleep.
I have come to believe that how we are changed by the act of writing is more important than what happens to our writing in the end. Writing can transform.
“Unsolicited advice is criticism,” ancient Alanon proverb
You don’t have to think you’re a writer for writing to change your life.
IT’S ON. Join me this spring for: Writing Rituals, True Stories, Deep Dives, Writing for Therapists, and the Healing Narrative!
The Healing Narrative
Scholarships and payment plans available!!
WHERE: The Porches, 56 Pine Hill Ln, Norwood, VA
WHEN: April 11- 14, 2024
INVESTMENT: $1200 for 3 nights and 4 days of private accommodations, a 1/2 day visit to Yogaville, 3 dinners, one lunch, personalized attention, and numerous small writing circles throughout the weekend.
To request a partial SCHOLARSHIP or PAYMENT PLAN, email valley@valleyhaggard.com
WHAT: Writing about our past empowers us to identify old patterns so that we can write new futures, transforming old wounds into new stories.
On this intimate 4-day retreat in the Blue Ridge Mountains, we will write our origin stories, chart our timelines, discover our archetypes, and identify the path of our own particular hero's journey. Combining guided meditation, visualization, and energy work within our small group writing circles, we will unearth our most potent and pervasive themes to imagine new plotlines for our lives moving forward. As we find our voices, we take back our power, becoming the hero, the most important character, in our own lives.
Each writer will have their own gorgeous bedroom in the beautiful farmhouse of Porches Writing Retreat in Nelson County, a short walk away from the James River. Our schedule will include small circle writing, free time, energy work, writing at the river, half a day at Yogaville ( a 15-minute drive from Porches), and all course materials.
Our small group will be limited to 4 participants
True Story: Using a Timeline to Write Our Lives
ZOOM
Tuesdays, April 9 - May 14
12 noon - 2 pm EST
Max: 8 participants
$250
We each have unique and universal stories to tell, whether they are on the surface of our lives or buried in the depths of our subconscious. In this writing-from-life 6-week series, we will delve into our origin stories, map our timelines, and find access points to the stories we most need to tell.
Whether you are writing to process or working on a manuscript, we will each generate our own specific prompt lists to propel us forward into the stories of our lives.
Deep Dive: an In-Person 6 week writing intensive
Valley's Studio In-Person, Henrico, VA
Wednesdays, Feb 21-March 27
1-3 pm
Max: 8 participants
$250
Are you haunted by an unfinished manuscript? Do you want to write a book but feel overwhelmed about what to do and how to start?
Take your writing to the next level in this special intensive designed to help you create structure, generate prompts, and provide accountability for writing your manuscript. Our small group will encourage and inspire each other in the spirit of safety and nonjudgment, with the steady support of guidance and gentle direction along the way.
We will gather at my house around the dining room table and may be joined by a few 4-legged family members. Please bring your notebook and pen. Coffee and tea will be provided.
Max: 8 participants.
Reiki 2 Certification with Valley Haggard
Sat, Mar 23, 2024
10 am – 5:00 pm EST
Price: $270
If you have earned your Reiki Level 1 attunement and certification, you are ready for Level 2! This special one-day workshop will help us fine-tune and increase our vibrational healing energy to balance and increase energy flow in our mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies. During our workshop, we will focus on use of the Reiki symbols, learning the mantras, and practicing distance healing. You will receive an intro to chakra balancing and accessing your Reiki guides.
You will receive a Level 2 attunement and certification by the end of the day.
Writing to Heal for Therapists
Sat, Mar 30, 2024
10 AM – 4 PM EST
Valley's Writing Studio, Richmond, VA
$245
In this special one-day workshop, we will learn journaling techniques and prompts especially designed for therapists to promote healing and wholeness for themselves and their clients. Starting with the scientific psychological, emotional, and biological benefits of writing and reframing our narratives, we will explore a range of practices from simple free-writing techniques to identifying our archetypes on the hero's journey.
Come away with a practical and powerful toolkit of resources for supporting yourself and your clients on the healing journey. All materials provided.
Max: 8 participants
What are the writers saying?
“What a divine, intuitively-led workshop; thank you Valley!” —Kate
“Thank you for such an amazing, well-needed and healing four days. The writing prompts and connection and feedback were all gratefully received, the food was perfect, and the extra activities we did were so much fun!”—Anna
“A safe loving space with insightful reflection and authentic celebration of the unique writer in all of us!” —Erica
“Valley is absolutely wonderful. This was my first experience & the entire experience helped me so much. Very inspiring!” —Susan
“Valley has yet again provided a safe place to write with inspiring and thoughtful feedback. Such a gift she has and shares!” —Marty
“Always the best of hours! I am so grateful for the time given and writing shared and the wonder of this, Valley.” —Mary Jo
“Valley offers sensitive feedback to writers who come to her classes, always positive and supportive, whether you have been writing all your life or are just starting to explore this path to self-knowledge.”—Chaya
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So true. Funny, itchy nervous, laughing inside. All of us are full of contradictions, which makes us real and three dimensional.