A few weeks ago I said to myself, “I need a me for me.”
Here I was, giving/leading/teaching/supporting/comforting/blahblahblah everyone, else but who was doing all of these things for me? I felt very whiny and sorry for myself. But I also felt too overwhelmed and exhausted to become the me for me I needed. Couldn’t someone else just be me? Why do I always have to be me? I felt crusty and bitter and up for a major martyrdom award.
And then I decided it was time to call in the calvary. I found a new psychiatrist and decided to go back to therapy. I asked three different friends to be my personal life coach and one to be my higher power. (LOL). I called people just to cry, a self-care life hack I thought I’d gotten too healthy for in my wise old-age. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Who knew? Because I started letting other people care for me, I began to feel cared for.
This weekend I’m going to stay in a camper in the forest on a 3-day solo retreat. I plan to spend the whole time being me for me. Hey little honey, what do you want to eat next? Would it feel nice to take a little nappie? Isn’t that a pretty tree?
Ironically, one of my greatest strengths is my low tolerance for pain. I used to be able to suffer mightily and then suffer some more. Nowadays, a little bit of pain is unbearable so I’m forced to course-correct before it gets worse. And it is getting better. There’s a whole army of me’s coming for me.
Unsolicited advice is criticism.
—ancient Alanon proverb.
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As always, spot on, and generous of spirit. You forgive yourself, which many of us don't know how to do. Will think of you in your camper this weekend. Stay cool.